“I don’t want to be a renator,” moaned Tom.
“A narrator is a good job, you got it because you’re getting good at reading,” I said.
“A renator is rubbish, I want to be a character.”
“You are an angel…. A lot of the time.”
“Grr! Not an angel like what you call me Mum,” Tom growled, his face red and cross and far from angelic, “an angel in a costume in the play.”
I will try to dig out the Christmas tree from under the stairs soon. It feels like yesterday that I threw camping stuff on top of it thinking it would be ages before I would need it again. This is the fifth Christmas and the most real so far. Real because we have a nativity play to contend with and because Father Christmas is definitely coming. Mum took Tom to see him on Saturday.
“Ho ho ho, what would you like for Christmas?” Santa said (or something like that, anyway.)
“Erm honestly?” Tom said, “I don’t fink there’s anything else I need.”
Brilliant. Cheap. (I will buy him something though.)
We’ve been listening to this CD called the Rainbow Collection which features the lady from Zero 7 singing carols and Christmas songs. I get a lot of PR companies emailing me every day, people who haven’t read this blog and don’t seem to realise that it is not just a list of reviews of absolutely anything. Because I am a mother and I write a blog, they think I am eternally pregnant and / or lactating and that all I ever do is test and talk about baby paraphenalia. Anyway, I said yes to the Rainbow Collection CD, mainly because I was impressed by the PR’s initiative:
“I would like to send you a CD,” she wrote, “Perhaps something to cheer you and Tom up after the sad death of Gandhi.”
Ridiculous, but 10/10 for research. And 10/10 for effectiveness: The CD is quite good. It’s certainly the best Christmas compilation I have ever heard. If I could post a video of Tom dancing to it, I would. I have to admit, it got me feeling mildly excited about Christmas and it’s only the 2nd of December.
The stupid press releases continue to land in my inbox. People want me to review books about weaning, sick covers for baby car seats, breast pumps, nappy disposal units, potties and more. They want me to write about the fact that Cheryl Cole is the celebrity children most idolise, even though she is an icon of everything false and she once battered a toilet attendant.
I thought I had reached the end of my irrelevant press release tether the other day, when I received an email about maternity jeans. I am not pregnant and I will ensure that I do not get pregnant anytime soon. Just read the blog, really. Yesterday, the king of all shit releases landed in my inbox:
‘National Dads Matter Week’ is a national initiative which aims to raise awareness of the important role dads play in the upbringing and education of their children.
If you’re a PR and you’re reading this, thanks. I am interested in the following products, which your clients may have available for review: Laser eye surgery, festival and / or gig tickets, holidays, good clothes, hairdos, a new sofa, a new laptop, a new desk, a new washing machine and many different kinds of alcoholic beverages. Tom has everything he needs, he said so himself.
*I would like to add that I do genuinely love Trunki inventions and that Tom’s Boostapak and GoVinci are both big, relevant hits.