* Since I wrote this post, I have changed my son’s name on the blog. Tom is not his real name, but it protects him and enables me to write more thoroughly about our situation.
I really want to make my blog anonymous, but I don’t know how I can do it when so many people already know mine and Tom’s names. I started this off as something personal, to vent my frustrations, keep a record of Tom’s development and try to turn tears into smiles. I told a few friends, who told their friends. People started contacting me and telling me how much they loved it and telling me to keep it up. As well as being personally cathartic, it became a comfort and a focus to know that I was inspiring women in a similar situation to me. Now hundreds of people come here, every single day and I don’t know what to do about the anonymity issue.
Today I had to choose which standing order to cancel: The rent or the nursery fees. I didn’t realise things were so bad. I feel guilty now for the big wheel and the trilby and all the extravagance of the weekend but I only want to give Tom the life he would have if things were different. There are things that I want to write about, things I am sick of pussy-footing around, things that make me really angry. Financial issues, legal issues, the fact that Tom’s father is basically the lowest of the low who refuses to even acknowledge the fact that his beautiful son exists, let alone contribute to his upbringing. My concern that people might think I am one of those nutty women who entrapped a poor innocent man into fatherhood when in fact I became pregnant because I believed a sob story about infertility. There you go, I’ve got that one down now anyway.
People write to me thanking me for telling them about single motherhood, but I feel I could be more frank if only we were anonymous. What would I do? Call Tom ‘T’? Give him a pseudonym? What about all the readers who already know us? I might have to kill them. I don’t want to delete all my old posts, but I don’t want to set up a new blog because this is where we belong, where people come to find us and I have grown to really like the name. So, maybe I should stop completely before I say something I might regret. I just don’t feel I can do this as thoroughly as I want to without us being anonymous and I think I have left it too late for the anonymity.
12 Comments
May 5, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Don’t do it!! Why not just keep this blog going then run an anonymous one alongside it? I love your blog, please don’t give it up x
May 5, 2009 at 7:38 pm
You could put it into a story. I say a lot of things in stories, or have my characters say, that I am too shy and cowardly to say out loud in real life.
Or you could start a diary – a real one in a book with a little brass clasp in the front, and write it in there.
I like your blog, it is one of the favourite things that I read on-line right now. I find how clear and direct you are very appealing. Although I don’t write about my family life much, I connect with so much of what you say that it brings tears to my eyes sometimes.
I nearly typed ‘teats’ instead of ‘tears’ then.
Sod the nursery fees. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of.
x x
May 5, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Just be true to yourself. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what other people think of us as we can’t control that. I’ve really enjoyed your blog since I found it and I would feel very sad if you choose not to continue.
May 5, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Most bloggers are anonymous not because they hide their names but because no-one reads what they write. You have lost the chance of hiding your identity on this blog because so many people, myself included, love reading it.
The more successful you become as a writer the less control you will have over how people percieve you. I don’t think someone with your skill with words can avoid becoming more popular without stopping all together and who would that benefit? If you stop this blog and start another one anonymously your style will shine through and we will all still recognise your prose.
There is no getting away from there being subjects we want, need, to write about, but are unsure about wanting others reading. Putting it in a story is better advice than I have.
My mom once said to me that if I ever thought about getting a tattoo I should see if I still wanted the same tattoo in six months time and if I did, get it then. Perhaps you could keep a diary of things you are not sure about publishing and then six months later decide whether to move them to the blog or leave them unsaid.
Whatever you do. Don’t stop blogging!
May 5, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Don’t give up on this, you should keep it going until Tom is older, then he can read it and and feel proud of all the things you have single handedly done for him.
I didn’t have a father figure around when I was little becuase my parents were young when I was born. So I can empathise about your worries and hopes for your little boy. Like you my mum did everything she could to give me the happiest childhood. Tom will feel immensley proud of you as he grows older.
Your blog is such an inspiring enjoying read, I say this at the risk of sounding like a suck up. But it provides me with many giggles and also pulls at the old heart strings. Don’t stop now.
May 5, 2009 at 9:52 pm
well, it is too late for anonymity here, and if you don’t feel it’s the right space for you to be expressing your feelings, then you should feel no obligations to a blogosphere of people, no matter how much we love your blog!
i agree with some of the above comments – blogs are just one venue, and you can write about other experiences and feelings somewhere else (a journal, to turn into (non)fiction one day, for example). alternatively, you can just throw it all out here and see what happens.
the problem with becoming popular on the internet is that people get to know who/where you are, so obviously, don’t do anything that makes you feel unsafe. but i think that part of the appeal of blogs like yours in the first place is that it’s an opportunity for a reader to hear about the realities of someone else’s life, and i imagine that your readers will respond better, and more supportively, than you think.
i agree with ben: don’t stop blogging, no matter what. as a writer, it’s an amazing experience you just can’t get in any other way.
those are my thoughts anyway. i’m from canada and i came across your blog when you commented on a discussion board i read, where you mentioned your blog. i’ve been reading you ever since, and whenever you write your novel, i will buy it.
all the best!
May 6, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Please don’t stop blogging. If you want me to beg, I will.
May 6, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Thank you to you all for your touching comments and sound advice. I will try to reply individually when I am feeling less overwhelmed. I have also had a load of emails about this matter, which only goes to show how many people read it. I want to protect Tom and writing about him in the public domain, using his real name and often his image, is irresponsible. I only ever thought friends would read this. Tom has no say in the matter. I am not just writing about myself, I am writing about someone else. I don’t want to make him vulnerable but the problem is that Tom IS this blog, so I am still trying to decide where to go from here.
May 11, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Now THAT is a fantastic reply and the only real reason why you should go anonymous … but still keep writing. Tom.
I curtsy the respect you show for your little boy and hope to once read a book about a young woman, who survived the ’shitty twenties’ someone wished her, with grace and dignity.
I would make a copy of this blog, put it in a safe place (so Tom can have a look at it later), then delete it, rename it and start all over again, or continue after an introduction.
My ‘blessings’ you have, Emmy.
Sunny regards and good, bettern, best of luck,
Deborah
May 12, 2009 at 9:04 am
You could change your own and Tom’s names by deed poll, but on here keep calling yourself by your given names.
May 12, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Tricky. But I suppose the people who know you, know you anyway; to the others you’re My Shitty 20s and Leo which could be made up names for all we know.
Sorry to hear things aint bright at the moment. I hope they brighten up soon.
Nik
May 16, 2009 at 1:46 pm
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